is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
