I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there is puke in my bra ... again
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