You can't motorboat a personality
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
