You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
