The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
