"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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