i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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