Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just had sex on a roof
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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