Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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