Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
