hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to calm my uterus...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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