I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
