Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
