I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
that is very illegal...i love you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
