Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
