We're like a lot better than the average bears
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
