i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
