i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
