Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize