Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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