we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
