He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
