she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
