I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
