....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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