2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
