and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
