shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Enjoy the penises
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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