..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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