if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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