She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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