Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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