Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i now understand why vodka
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
