Can i not drive my cunt home
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
