i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
