I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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