You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
