Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
