First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
