fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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