I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
