just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
