I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
