I just saw a hot homeless man
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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