dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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