Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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