I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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