I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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