GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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