I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
