I'm really into asian looking animals
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
