My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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