That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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