New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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