I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
