phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
