so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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