I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
