it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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