My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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