how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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