oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Boobs are out for the taking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
