just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im just a social blackout drinker.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
