38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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