its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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